The Narota Files
by archangelBBQ
Summary: Lin's been neglected and ignored for far too long. It's high time he took his revenge. A new ship sets sail across the fanfiction ocean to merry, vindictive shores, the HMS Narota. (A collaboration between Meepyonnee and archangelBBQ.) Chapter 4: This is not the Takigawa you've been looking for.
1. Prologue

_Preface_ _:_ This started as a random joke and somehow turned into reality. (Neither of us actually remember how it started, exactly, it was just one off-hand comment after another.) If you want to sail this ship, climb on board. We're (mostly) joking, though, so don't (ever, never, ever) take it too seriously...

 _Warnings_ : Trace amounts of cursing, swearing, foul language. Heaps of unexpected (mis)adventures to ensue.

And finally, the usual disclaimer applies. Ghost Hunt is the property of Fuyumi Ono/Shiho Inada and rights remain in the hands of Kodansha/Del Rey/Tanoshimi/J.C. Staff/TV Tokyo/Funimation etc. Not Meepyonnee or archangelBBQ, although we're delighted to share this little frivolity with you.

And without further ado, we bring you:

* * *

-:-:-:-:-

 **THE NAROTA FILES**

 _\- Prologue -_

-:-:-:-:-

With the echoes of laughter and cheerful banter ringing in his ears as his co-workers converse behind him, Lin sits in front of the monitors yet again, ignored by the others as he oh-so-dutifully watches the live feed as is ordered by his _so-called boss_. Excluded from the discussion, he is thankful for the opportunity given to him to be alone with his thoughts. He has never been one for social interaction anyway and he appreciates their effort to neglect him because they know how important it is for him to type aimlessly away on his computer, pretending to look busy and — _oh fuck it_.

No, he doesn't like being excluded from the group. No, he doesn't like being alone. And NO _he doesn't like being forgotten._

Come on, you can't even blame him for (mentally) bursting out like an extremely whiny teenage emo brat! (—Yes, _exactly_ like _someone_ in particular.) In the entirety of the first _Akumu_ volume, he's shown only eight times! _**EIGHT.**_ _Eight flippin' panels in the whole goddamn book_. The artist doesn't even bother to draw his whole face in most of them! (Never mind the fact that his hairstyle covers half his face anyway.) And six out of eight he's only shown because he's in the frame with Naru, theso-called _'main protagonist',_ and in the other two he's shown only because he's _answering_ a question this so-called main protagonist asked _._ Ugh.

Okay, yeah, so in his contract he's listed only as a minor character, even though he's been around since day one. (Never mind how _that_ happened, going from that lucrative gig in Furuba to _this_.) But look, when any of the other 'minor' characters are featured they're usually in the middle of getting killed by ghosts/demons/zombies/etcetera and, no, Lin has _no_ plans of dying any time soon! Seriously! Even that new guy, Hirota Seigi, gets more screen time! And he isn't even the client! He doesn't even have a sob story! And he has more screen time than _Mai._ What the hell. (Well, maybe Lin's just overreacting and _maybe_ he didn't count properly. But you get the point.)

 _Wait_ , is Hirota the new female protagonist? Is he the new love interest? 'Cause it definitely seems like it. Naru's only ever that intense whenever he argues. And he only ever argues with Mai, his _soulmate!_ (Yeah Lin ships them, fuck off.) Does that mean he's abandoning Mai now? Is he bored of her already? Is he having another one of his rebellious fits and feels the need to deny what the fans want? (Naru's pissed about their ship name, _'Mairu.'_ Or maybe he just likes the sound of _'Narota'_ more.) And perhaps maybe he's—

"Lin, what do you think?" a voice says, cutting off his thoughts. It's Naru, and he's looking at him expectantly.

Oh. _Shit_. He hasn't been listening to their discussion. "I can't say for sure," he says, racking his brain for a vague answer he can use. "Unidentified spirits are outside my jurisdiction."

Okay so, now where was he . . .

Wait.

 _Waitwaitwait_

W-was that his first appearance in the second volume?! Seriously? He just answered another one of Naru's questions? And his answer isn't even any good, too! No no wait go back! He'll answer properly this time! Go back go back go baaaaaa—

. . . A sudden tune interrupts his mental breakdown, accompanied by two short vibrations. Reaching for the origin in his front pocket, he takes his phone out and sees he has two new messages.

 _Lin-kun, that was a good expression just now, but please save it for the next volume. The ghosts aren't here yet. Thanks. –Inada_

 _Oh yeah, btw, you won't be featured for another couple of chapters. Just relax and do whatever~ –Inada_

By the content of the messages, Lin isn't sure whether the artist is mad at him or not. On one hand, he hasn't been yelled at for screwing up the scene. On another, he thinks he's being punished. Just when he finally gets an entire panel to himself, the artist makes him look like a retard! And then what? He isn't going to be featured in the next few chapters?!

Okay. Okay, woo. Breathe in, breath out. Calm thyself, Lin. Do as Grandmother says and let go of the negativity. He'll just take it out on someone else — Naru. Yes, he should take it out on Naru. (He's the usual victim anyway.) And on Hirota, too. He's the one hogging all of Lin's screen time.

He thought and thought. What would be the best way to piss those two off? Pranks are no good. They're all still working right now and he might be punished again by Inada-sama if he ruins any more scenes. Maybe he should mess with the case data? Ah, but . . . the same would happen. He'd be punished, Hirota wouldn't be affected anyway, and it would only be Naru who's gonna freak.

Then . . . maybe . . .

 _Huehuehuehuehuehue._

Yes.

 _Narota_.

The laptop on his desk beckons him, whispering promises of revenge and entertainment—both of which won't be at the price of endangering himself. If he is going to do this, then he's going to do it in such a way that will strike Naru and Hirota right at their Achilles heels: manly pride. And at the same time, Lin will get the most enjoyment out of it.

Fanfiction.

He's been reading stories in this fandom for quite a while now and it shouldn't be too hard to write an outrageously _good_ one. If he did it right, this might turn out to be a legend, one so famous (or notorious) that the characters themselves will hear about it and be tempted to read it.

Oh, he _can't wait_ to see the look on Naru's and Hirota's faces when they read his fic.

Call him vindictive if you want.

This just _has_ to be done.

-:-:-:-:-


	2. File One: Dreams

_The usual disclaimer applies._

* * *

-:-:-:-:-

 **THE NAROTA FILES**

 _[File One: Dreams]_

-:-:-:-:-

It'd been raining literal _buckets_ all morning, and had been for the past few days. Inside, the somber demeanor of the office reflected the dreary weather. The two sole occupants sat at their respective desks in their respective offices. Both were reviewing case files and drinking tea, though the similarities stopped there. The first, a tall, stoic man with chiseled features and stern, gentle eyes, could be considered a mentor to the younger. His quiet intellegence, unassuming wisdom; his endless patience, his well-toned body and attractive features—This man was truly a saint.

The younger, who was the president of the office despite being a pompous eighteen-year-old brat, got up from his desk and went to the kitchenette to refresh his tea. While he had once relied solely on his assistant to prepare his tea, several depressing months away from her in England had taught him, at least, how to flip the switch on an electric kettle and steep his own Earl Grey. (It was just a _teabag_ , for cryin' out loud, and not even loose-leaf.)

There was a knock on the door and a man entered the office. "Excuse me," he called out politely, and froze when he saw the young man, tea in hand. "Shi-Shibuya-san! I wasn't expecting to see you. Er, I mean, I thought you'd be in your office—" he gestured vaguely.

Shibuya Kazuya, known simply as "Naru" to the members of the office, tipped his head in greeting. "Likewise, Hirota-san. I wasn't expecting to see you here today."

"Er, it's good to see you, Shibuya-san," Hirota greeted meekly as he folded his dripping umbrella. "You're looking rather well." He glanced at the empty reception desk. "It appears Yasuhara-san and Taniyama-san are not in today?"

Naru shrugged and waved his hand dismissively. "Mai requested the day off. She said something about getting a letter from a long-lost sibling or something. And Yasuhara has classes today."

...

(Lin pauses before hitting the back space key. Hasn't he read somewhere on tumblr that giving Mai a sibling was a superficial plot twist? On one hand, he couldn't care less about what the fandom thinks and would happily give them the finger, since they always seem to just pair him up with Madoka and _sometimes_ Mai and even _less frequently_ Naru ( _Naru_ , of all people!) and never even _once_ with his true love, with whom he is currently having a tempestuous love affair. But on the other hand, he'd once broken his little finger in a childhood skiing accident, can't bend that finger and therefore won't be able to properly give anyone the bird.)

 _. . . "Mai requested the day off today," Naru replies. "Apparently she has a distant aunt from America who contacted her. And Yasuhara..."_

(A distant aunt from America is even worse, Lin decides with a shake of his head, and stares at the screen blankly for some time. Besides, he doesn't want _TuxxedoKamen1969_ 's adoring fans to clamor for a story about Mai and her heiress-to-an-international-corporation relative... though, he taps his chin and explores, if only for a moment, the possibilities of an _Ouran High School Host Club_ crossover in which Mai's wealthy aunt pays her tuition into Ohsaka Gakuen... or wait, is that _Hana-Kimi?_ Lin can never keep those school names straight. _Well fuck it_ , he decides, and erases the aunt out of existence. A brother or a sister will be fine. Maybe they can even be twins.)

...

. . . Naru waved his hand dismissively. "Mai requested the day off today. She said something about getting a letter from a long-lost sibling or something. And Yasuhara has classes today."

"I see." Hirota paused, looking around the office for the other tall, handsome and mysterious assistant, though the man in question was only detectable by the methodical typing that came from the other room. As to be expected from his impeccable work ethic. "Actually, it was you, Shibuya-san, that I wanted to see," he admitted shyly. "Do you mind if I come in?"

"If it's about my brother, then I have nothing to say to you," Naru said, his face twitching in annoyance.

"It's not," Hirota assured him quickly.

Naru tipped his head to indicate his agreement and Hirota followed him into the office. He turned and raised an eyebrow as the other man closed the door behind him.

"It's... it's a bit personal," Hirota explained, his cheeks betraying a hint of a blush.

Naru set down his tea and leaned against his desk, crossing his arms over his chest. "I don't take personal requests. If you have any complaints about our last case, you can follow the normal procedures and file it with our office."

"No!" Hirota exclaimed, taken aback. "It's nothing like that." He stepped forward, closing the distance between them. "Something happened to me during that last case," he said, his voice suddenly hushed. "Something about being around you awoke something in me that I've never felt before."

Naru's eyes widened slightly before he replied coolly. "I am not currently interested in having a boyfriend."

"Then how about an affair?"

...

(Lin shakes his head disapprovingly. It's too soon, he decides. Even though he wants to cut straight to the action and get his vengence started it's probably better to lead on his readers a little bit. Instead, he cuts Hirota's last line and pastes it at the bottom of the document. _This will make an excellent omake_.)

...

. . . Naru's eyes widened slightly before he replied coolly. "I am not currently interested in having a boyfriend."

"Th-th-that's not what I'm saying at all," Hirota stammered, his cheeks flushed red. "I've been having some _really strange_ dreams, Shibuya-san, and I don't quite know what to make of them."

Naru looked bored and reached for his precious, precious tea. "While _incredibly unlikely_ , if you sincerely believe yourself to be possessed by one of the spirits from Agawa-san's house, this is not a personal matter you need to take up with me and I recommend you schedule a consultation with our office, if that is what you desire."

"You said you wouldn't believe me," Hirota muttered. "I don't know why I let you convince me to try."

Naru's hand stilled, the teacup held delicately between his fingers. "Pardon?"

"It's nothing." Hirota said, his ears growing red with embarrassment to match his pink cheeks.

"It's clearly not _nothing_ ," Naru snapped, setting the teacup down forcefully, spilling tea onto the saucer. "If you're going to say something, say it properly."

Hirota clenched his fists at his side, flushed and embarrassed. "I promised you in the dream I would confront you in real life." He passed his hand over his eyes. "This is ridiculous, what am I doing?"

"I was in your dream." Naru repeated incredulously.

"Dream _s_ ," Hirota corrected.

"How frequently do you dream of me? How long has this been going on?"

Hirota looked at his feet and rubbed at the back of his neck. "Since Midori-san's case. Every night."

Naru frowned, tapping his hands against his thighs. He knew who was in Hirota's dreams, though _why_ was a completely different question. Mai had said she hadn't seen him since the Agawa case, and now it made perfect sense... what was that stupid boy even _thinking_ , masquerading as him again? Naru stilled his hands as he noticed that Hirota had been watching the tapping of his fingers with a captivated stare.

"You feel quite certain that these dreams are not normal?" Naru asked.

"They are definitely not," Hirota said quickly, snapping his gaze away from his hands. "I was certain that..." at that his voice trailed off and he didn't continue.

At least he could give the man that much credit, Naru thought. The man had encountered the paranormal once and was strangely attuned to its second appearance. He raised an eyebrow at Hirota's unfinished statement. "That it was my conscious—or subconscious, even—that had entered your dreams?" he continued.

Hirota's ears were still red and he averted his gaze. "Something like that, yeah," he muttered.

Even if he didn't know the true culprit, normally Naru would have scoffed at this idea. But for some reason he kept his cynicism to himself. "Do you mind if I ask you what kind of relationship you have with me in your dreams?" He asked casually.

At this Hirota's blush spread from his ears to his cheeks. "We're, um," he paused. "Close friends."

...

(Lin raises his right hand and crosses himself, one of the many habits he's picked up from John, and says a silent prayer to the departed. _Forgive me, Gene. It's for a good cause._ )

...

. . . "I, um, value our friendship," Hirota continued, looking rather like a high-school girl who had just confessed to her sempai. "Which is why I'm here today."

As Naru gazed at the other man he was surprised by the strange feeling that he'd never looked at Hirota carefully before. He had, of course—he'd scrutinized the man's facial expressions and body language many times during the Agawa case, but he'd never quite looked at him like _this_.

"I'll be perfectly frank, Hirota-san. I have no recollection of meeting you as you say," Naru said. Seeing the other man's obvious disappointment, he continued quickly. "Though, as I said, it may not be impossible for one's subconscious..."

The crestfallen look slipped from Hirota's features and he attempted a small, bashful smile. "Do you think so?"

"It's possible," Naru said, tipping his head back and forth, trying not to admit to himself how pleasant Hirota's hopeful expression lay on his features.

"Shibuya-san... Do you think there's a way for me to awaken your subconscious?" Hirota said, stepping closer toward Naru and raising his hand instinctually, before dropping it again at his side and averting his gaze.

"What do you call me?"

Hirota looked up with surprise. "Er, Shibuya-san?"

"In your dreams," Naru said impatiently and folded his hands across his chest. "Do we speak to each other so formally as close friends?"

The flush returned to Hirota's ears. "You liked to call me Sei-kun," he admitted quietly, lowering his gaze to the floor. "And I call you Nacchan," he finished in a barely audible whisper.

"What?"

"Nacchan," Hiro repeated, looking away.

" _Nacchan_ ," Naru repeated incredulously.

"You said you didn't want me to call you Naru," Hirota said stubbornly. "You said you hated that nickname."

Naru thought about this for a second, tilting his head and a smirk forming slowly across his features. "Then, perhaps if I call you Sei-kun I'll remember—"

At that moment there was a sharp rap on the door as it opened and Hirota sprang away from Naru, realizing he'd been standing too close to him.

The other member of the office stood in the entry, mobile phone in his hand. His inky black hair covered half his handsome features, symmetrically attractive unbeknowest to all, but the visible eye was narrowed with worry.

"I'm sorry to interrupt," the handsome man, an Adonis in disguise, apologized. "But I'm afraid it's urgent."

"What is it, Lin?" Naru asked, irritated.

"It's Jo—Brown-kun," the man, a prince among men, corrected himself. "He just heard from Hara-san. Takigawa-san was supposed to join her for one of her filming sessions, but he never showed up."

"Perhaps he forgot."

The man's eye widened, the dark orb glinting in the dim office light. Perhaps if one looked closely enough, they would see the universe in their depths. "That was three days ago, Naru, and no one's seen him since. Until now. Masako just received a call from the Hakodate police. They've found him, and he seems to have amnesia."

...

(This is a good place to stop, Lin decides, stretching his arms in front of him and nodding with satisfaction. And he can't wait to see what _TuxxedoKamen1969_ 's adoring fans will think.)

 _What will happen to our protagonists in the next chapter? Will Narota finally become an item? What happened to Takigawa, and why is he in Hakodate? Will Nacchan ever remember Sei-kun from the dreams, or is he just leading him on? And who's that boy with Mai? He looks really familiar ... Read and review!_

-:-:-:-:-

 _Omake_ :

Naru's eyes widened slightly before he replied coolly. "I am not currently interested in having a boyfriend."

Hirota took both of Naru's hands in his own. "Then how about a secret affair?"

Naru smirked and didn't pull his hands away.


	3. The Cat's Pajamas

_Warnings: Recreational drug use, both legal and illicit._

 _This is a work of fiction. Any characters bearing similarities to real persons are entirely coincidental._

* * *

-:-:-:-:-

 **THE NAROTA FILES**

 _\- The Cat's Pajamas -_

-:-:-:-:-

Lin had left the house and gone outside at the scene break. Pulling back his sleeve, he glanced at his watch. Inada had let him know he wouldn't make an appearance until the end of the _next_ chapter, so he had a good hour or two of sitting around and waiting for the rest to finish the scene. And everyone else was in that chapter, of course. Masako had arrived so they'd have to spend some time listening and nodding politely to her for a while. She was probably pretty pleased to have the title page—but even with her smart new haircut, even _she_ wasn't the star of the show. Hirota had more lines than anyone, yet again. Lin had snitched Naru's script when no one was looking and read through the next chapters.

All of a sudden someone jumped onto his back, hugging him tightly from behind. " _Lin~~~~chan_ ~~~" a cheerful sing-song voice said.

"John-kun," he breathed in surprise. "What are you doing here? You're not supposed to be here for another three chapters."

John laughed as he slid down the man's back, landing lightly on his feet. "Masako didn't want to take the train, so I drove her."

"Careful," Lin said, glancing behind his shoulder. "You wouldn't want one of the crew to overhear..."

"They're all inside," John said nonchalantly, fishing a packet of cigarettes from his pocket. He tapped one out and smiled coquettishly as Lin lit it for him. "There was one guy outside to get the shot as Masako entered, but the rest of the scenes are inside the house." He smirked at him. "I checked the script, you know. I'm not like Takigawa, showing up unprepared and ready to exercise my improv skills."

"Mmmm," Lin nodded vaguely. Secretly, he was jealous of John and Takigawa. Almost everyone received a complete script and storyboard beforehand, but he was one of the ones who didn't. Most of _his_ scenes were improvised. Wasn't Inada lucky to have his expertise? Wasn't it just _great_ she didn't have to bother writing his dialogue?

"Anyway," John laughed. "I'm glad to find you outside, otherwise I'd have to sneak in and convince you to come out somehow." He wiggled his eyebrows suggestively at the other man. "They'll all be busy for a while, and you've got some time between chapters, right? Let's go get a drink."

"Where to?"

"The _Cat's Pajamas_ , where else am I going to get my Quadruple X? No where else in this part of Tokyo serves any decent beer from Oz."

...

In hindsight, he probably shouldn't have let John convince him to leave the set, should _not_ have let John convince him to go to that particular club, and definitely should _not_ have agreed to starting their afternoon off with shots of Glenfiddich 12 (he blamed John's distant Scottish heritage for that.) Lin hadn't eaten anything since a light morning tea and it was obvious that John hadn't either, but if John wanted to get blazingly drunk at three o'clock in the afternoon then there was nothing he could do to stop him. They _should_ have started with the fajitas and margaritas (and subsequent tequila shots) that followed, but, well, that was hindsight for you.

" _Ohhhh mygod_ ," John said, sitting up straight in his seat and then slouching down as far as possible. "Ayako," he hiccupped, "just walked in."

"What?!" Lin hissed, instantly slouching into the booth. "What is she doing here? This place isn't her scene."

"More like _waltzed_ ," John ignored him and began to giggle. "Always good timing, that one. Looks like she's escorting someone—"

"You're shitting me." Lin peeked out carefully from behind the booth. "I don't see her."

"I definitely _am_ _not_ ," John snickered. "You will not guess who she's with."

"Miyazaki-sama?" Lin paled and ducked behind the booth again. "John," he hissed. "This is _not funny_."

" _Mmmmhmmm_ then why'm I _laughing_?"

"If she sees us here, drunk off our asses—"

"I'mnot _that_ durnk," John said seriously. "I've only had..." he paused and began to count on his fingers, mumbling out various drinks, his eyes widening with realization. " _Shit_ , Lin, _I might be drunk_."

" _She_ knows the _Akumu_ schedule, if she tells _the_ Miyazaki-sama that we're skipping out of work—"

"She's not going to say _anything_ ," John rolled his eyes exaggeratedly. "We're not skipping if neither of us are in the scenes they're working on. Inada _herself_ told you to relax, didn't she?"

"He could destroy our careers in a heartbeat!"

"Lin," John said seriously, reaching across the table and taking his hand in his own. "She's not going to see us. Hayao-kun isn't going to ruin your career. _But_ , since you're worried, let's sneak out the back." He giggled and tugged Lin's hand, pulling him out of his seat and the two ducked toward the back hallway.

"I've always wanted to make a quick exit through the kitchen," John snickered. "Before we go, I gotta use the loo..."

Lin followed John into the restroom, passing the attendant with sideways glances who stood outside the door. Inside, there were two men leaning over the counter by the sinks, dressed in nearly identical clothes of white shirts and blue slacks. One, however, was barefoot.

They both looked up nonchalantly despite the illicit activity, making no attempt to hide the rows of cocaine on the porcelain.

"Oh hey guys," Light said casually, wiping his nose with the back of his hand.

"You wanna do one?" L asked, holding up what appeared to be a rolled-up 10,000 yen bill.

"Er, no thanks," Lin said.

"That's cool, bro," L said, and then offered it to John. "John, my man. I haven't seen you since we finished _Ouran_. How've you been?"

"Not bad," John said, taking it from L. "How you goin'? You guys know Lin-kun?"

"Yeah, we were in _Fruits Basket_ together," Light said, "but man, how many years ago was that already? I don't think I've seen you since then."

(" _Daaaaamnson that's the stuff!_ " John laughed and shot back up to his feet, swaying slightly.)

"I think this is the first time we've actually met," L said and shook Lin's hand vigorously. "I'm a big fan of your voiceover work. What you did in _Inu-yasha_ in particular was amazing."

"Likewise," Lin said, blushing. "You're legendary, L. I hope to aspire to your level someday."

"No need to be modest!" Light clapped him on the back. "Next you're going to say everything's cooperation and you couldn't do it without being part of _such a marvelous team_."

"This guy's always been like that," John laughed maniacally. "Back when we first met in _Fushigi Yuugi_ —"

"What, John, you were in FY? I had no idea."

"Are you kidding? It was this guy's big break." L rolled his eyes. "He's in a flashback of the main antagonist and _poof_ the next thing you know he's a child star."

"Just a perk of being a gorgeous blonde with these sparkling blue eyes," John winked. "But as I was saying—" he frowned and looked at Lin quizzically. "Wait, what. What was I even saying?"

At that moment a very loud commotion could be heard from the restaurant. The attendant outside the door rapped on the panel and cleared his throat loudly. _"Gentlemen,"_ he called in calmly, _"You'd better finish up in there. VIP's coming this way._ "

Lin's face blanched. John's eyes lit up. Light swore under his breath but L looked amused.

"Shit, L, we'd better clean this up," Light muttered. "I'm supposed to be in rehab."

"And _we_ were sneaking out through the kitchen," John said ruefully. "If you'll excuse us..."

"Yeahdude, we'll catch up later," L waved them away. "We'll figure out some time when we're all free—"

"—We should have an _Ouran_ and _Furuba_ reunion," Light suggested, rather enthusiastically.

" _That's a terrible idea Light and you know it_ ," Lin and John heard L say as they slipped out of the restroom. " _You know Mello and Tooru can't be in the same room together since the barbershop incident_ —"

The noise they'd heard from the restaurant seemed to be an escalating brawl by the bar. "Ooh, what's going on?" John said, charging forward, but Lin grabbed his collar and pulled him back.

"The _kitchen_ ," he said pointedly, gesturing the other way. "We were _leaving,_ remember?"

" _No fun_ ," John complained loudly as Lin steered him down the hall. " _Lin's such a party-pooper!_ "

No one in the entire room could have heard John's protests over the din, except for one man standing at the end of the hallway. He'd been watching the events unfolding from his vantage point but turned around at John's comment. Lin, looking over his shoulder at that exact moment, happened to catch him watching them. Thick, black eyebrows lifted in surprise toward his immaculately combed snow-white hair.

Lin paled.

Miyazaki-sama smiled. And _winked_.

-:-:-:-:-


	4. File Two: The Cassiopeia Express

_This is a work of fiction based on fictional characters. The views expressed herein are not representative of the authors' own personal beliefs._

* * *

-:-:-:-:-

 **Chapter 4**

-:-:-:-:-

Lin helps a giggling John into the cab, even though the priest is vehemently insisting he can just run the whole way back (what _is_ it with drunk people and running, Lin wonders, and _good god_ wouldn't John stop insisting he's not durnk anymore. It's really not helping anything.)

What a relief to get out of the glaring afternoon sun (and especially to get out of the dumpster-lined alley behind the back door of the club.) John's giving excited directions to the taxi driver for some other club on the other side of town so Lin sneaks his phone out of his pocket and checks his email. It's not exactly a surprise, but his heart sinks when he sees no new messages. It's only been an hour or two, but _still_. He's got a pretty wide range of followers, why aren't they reading this? Is it because he doesn't usually write for Ghost Hunt? Or maybe it's because the Mairu following is too strong, that no one's willing to jump ship and try out something new? Or is it just Hirota? Yeah, he _gets_ it, Hirota—

Then, as he's about to put the phone away, it buzzes in his hand.

 _A new review has been posted to your story._

 _From: yesyesyasu54_

 _Ohohoho, this is great! I can't believe I never thought of Naru and Hirota hooking up before, but they're totally made for each other! It's a match made in heaven! I look forward to more of your genius! (But hey~ pssst~~~ I hope you're planning on introducing more of the cast! Yasuhara's my /favorite/ character, seriously, that guy's /soooo/ amazing you should include him too you know.) PLEASE UPDATE AGAIN SOON! ;) ;) ;)_

Lin can't stop the demonic turtle smile from spreading over his lips, and all of a sudden, beautiful visions fill his head. A guitar begins to play and a woman whispers breathy French in the back of his mind. He has no idea what she's singing but surely it's _très romantique_.

Nacchan and Sei-kun. Sunset dinners along the Seine. Walking hand-in-hand along Parisian boulevards. Bouquets of pink roses and delphinium. Riding tandem bicycles in blue striped shirts. Quite possibly they are singing. Berets and baguettes. _Narota._

"Sorry, sweet John-kun," he apologizes. "I need to get back to the set."

-:-:-:-:-

 **THE NAROTA FILES**

 _[File Two: The Cassiopeia Express]_

-:-:-:-:-

It was that phone call from John Brown, on that fateful, dreary afternoon, that sparked a flurry of activity. Hirota happened to have a brother in the Hakodate police force who could get them to see Takigawa and would allow for them to bring him back to Tokyo. (Apparently, none of Takigawa's own relations from Mt Kouya or otherwise could be bothered to do so.) And so arrangements were made, luggage packed, tickets purchased and taxis called to take them to the station.

"Why are we taking the train again?" Naru asked peevishly.

"Because all the connecting flights to Hakodate were booked for the next five days," Hirota yawned.

"And why am I sharing a room with you?" Naru drawled irritably.

Hirota shrugged casually but his cheeks were turning pink like strawberries ripening on a warm summer's day. "Brown-san asked if he could share with Lin-san..." as he said this, he wondered if the priest knew his feelings for Naru, and if that's why he had insisted so vehemently. Meanwhile, Naru looked like he was wondering why John was so opposed to sharing a room with Hirota.

Hirota leaned over the top bunk in the sleeper cabin, where he'd been reclining, to look down at Naru on the bunk below. The younger man was laying back against the pillows, his skin porcelain white beneath his silky black hair, his night-sky eyes dark and gleaming, glittering like stars...

...

(Lin pauses, not knowing if he wanted to laugh or shudder. Writing such a flowery description for Naru left a bad taste in his mouth. Or maybe that was just dehydration after drinking that last glass of aquavit? Looking over what he'd written, he sneaks a casual glance over his shoulder. Was he being too obvious? But this was _his_ fanfiction dammit and like _hell_ he was going to make his own character the miserable and lonely man everyone seemed to make him out to be. Besides, no one would ever guess the true identity of _TuxedooKamen1999_ nor would they _ever_ have any reason to suspect any of the story was based on true fact. And Naru and Hirota needed to share a room if this was _ever_ going to get anywhere.)

...

. . . "Ne... Nacchan?"

Naru didn't answer.

"Are you asleep?"

"Of course I'm not asleep. My eyes are open and you're looking right at me."

...

(Lin stops and pulls on his hair with his hands. No, _nonono_ , noooo! Trying to keep Naru in character is: a) no fun, b) _booooooring_ , and c) definitely not going to get him where the story should go. At least, not anytime soon. It'll probably take years of cajoling for Hirota to get Nacchan out on a _date_ , let alone some of the steamy boys love that he needs to exact his revenge. Okay, Lin, he tells himself. This isn't your 68-chapter Italo Calvino-inspired Cowboy Bebop-Harry Potter crossover _If On A Winter's Night a Cowboy_ or your on-going sequel _If On A Summer's Night a Magician_. This isn't a serious drama story. This is just fluff. Beautiful Narota fluff. Fluff with a vengeance. It doesn't matter how they get there. Screw character development, screw the plot. The plot _is_ the screwing, right? A strange smile crosses over Lin's face. _Hohohohoho_. _Yes._ It's time for these men to get laid, sooner rather than later. Maybe it'll loosen them up a little bit.)

...

. . . "Are you asleep?"

"I'm not asleep," Naru grumbled.

Hirota flushed pink, his cheeks like fresh, plump raspberries on a hot summer's afternoon. "Would you mind if we talked for a little while? I'm not sleepy at all—"

"And then what?"

"And then what, what?" Hirota faltered.

"You want me to tuck you in, too? Sing you a lullaby?" Naru asked dryly.

Hirota smiled shyly. "That'd be nice, actually, yeah, Nacchan."

Naru stared at Hirota for what seemed like an absolute eternity before sighing. "Might as well," he muttered with a sigh, and made a vague gesture toward Hirota. Hirota stared at him, not understanding. " _Sei-kun_ ," Naru said patiently, and patted the empty space next to him.

Hirota came down off the top bunk and sat down next to Naru carefully, his entire face the color of a ripe tomato, dangling from the vine.

Naru reached behind him and took out a thick volume. "Sometimes, when my brother couldn't sleep, I would read to him," he mused, and cleared his throat. " _The Systems of Unexplained Phenomena_ , by Oliver E.C. Davis, OH, CBE, FRS, SAL, AAGG. Supernatural phenomena, of varying severity and degrees, can be easily classified into five major groups and of these seventeen sub-groups.."

Hirota began to snore.

...

The sun was shining brightly, too brightly even for only seven o'clock in the morning. There was a sudden, brisk rap on the door. Hirota was only opening his eyes but Naru was already out of bed, fastening his pants and buttoning his shirt.

"Enter," he called.

"We're almost there," the assistant's low, crushed-velvety smooth voice intoned. "Brown-kun and I are going to eat breakfast in the dining car. Would you like to join us or would you rather pick something up when we arrive, or on the way to the police station?"

"Perhaps you would be better to decide for us, Hirota-san," Naru said, turning toward the other man in the lower bunk. "You said you've taken this train to visit your brother before, and no doubt you have some sort of idea from discussing this with him how long this should take. Will we be there long?"

Hirota held the blanket tightly up to his chin to hide his modesty, despite being entirely clothed. "Oh," he said in surprise. "No, I don't imagine so. Procedurally-wise, it's a pretty simple case. My Oniichan said you'd just have to fill out some forms and do some general identity verification and all that. And I believe the breakfasts here on the train are rather nice."

"Then we'll join you in the dining car," Naru said, nodding at his assistant and closing the door.

"You didn't need to ask me for my opinion," Hirota grumbled, getting up from the mattress. "I thought you'd already decided on your breakfast plans."

"Of course I'd already decided, and of course I didn't need to ask you." Naru said, turning to the small mirror in the cabin and arranging his hair. "And yet I did anyway. That's what they call being considerate."

Hirota stopped. "Oh." He smiled shyly. "Thank you," he said quietly.

It seemed as though Naru was ignoring him, until he turned and flashed him a dazzling smile. Hirota's heart began to pound and he swore an angelic choir of cherubs began to strum their harps.

"Let's go eat breakfast, Sei-kun."

...

The four went straight to the police station from the train station, squeezing into the back of a single cab to save fare. It was a tiny car and Naru had to sit on Hirota's lap and for some reason John also sat on the elegant and mysterious assistant, despite the fact that the young Australian could have fit in the middle seat. (Apparently he just really didn't want to sit next to Hirota.) (There couldn't have _possibly_ been another reason.)

When they arrived, a young police constable greeted them, with the tall assistant graciously allowing himself to be led to a detective's desk in the basement to complete the necessary paperwork. (The assistant always had do complete the necessary paperwork.) The remaining three were ushered to a waiting room on the fourth floor of the building.

"Seigi- _otouto_ ," the detective waiting there greeted them, the man a spitting image of the Tokyo Special Investigative Unit Detective. "Good morning, brother dearest. So good of you to come all the way to Hokkaido just for a missing persons case. These must be your friends from Tokyo, in connection with this Takigawa person?"

Hirota was about to reply but Naru was quicker. "You must be Detective Hirota," he greeted the man. "And I believe it should be obvious who we are."

"Hirota Masayoshi, at your service," the man said, bowing with a flourish (hereinafter referred to as Masayoshi to avoid unnecessary confusion.) "It's a pleasure to meet you. You must be Shibuya Kazuya, I've heard _so_ much about you. And you must be John Brown."

"Nice to meet you," John said, ever the one to be polite and mind his manners. "I must say, Hirota-san, the resemblance between you and, um, Hirota-san is, er, quite striking."

"That's because we're twins," Masayoshi said, flashing him a peace sign. "Fraternal though we may be."

"Our mother had a terrible sense of humor when she named us," Hirota muttered.

Naru appeared bored. He was, in fact, bored. "Now where is Takigawa?" He asked sharply. "The quicker we get through this, the better."

"Right through here, of course," Masayoshi said, opening a door ushering them inside the room. Inside, Takigawa sat in a chair with a cup of coffee and regarded them blankly as they entered.

"Takigawa-san," Naru said briskly. "Would you mind telling us what you're doing in Hakodate? It's been quite an inconvenience for us to come and fetch you."

The man sighed loudly and gave a plaintive look toward the two detectives. "I already told you so you should already know. I don't remember anything after I fell down the hill from the observation deck! You police keep asking the same questions and I keep telling you the same thing. You _tell_ me my name is Takigawa but if I've got some serious head trauma why haven't you let me go to a clinic and see a doctor? That would be the reasonable course of action—"

Naru held up his hand to stop the man, staring at him intently. "No, we were wrong," he muttered. "This is not Takigawa-san."

Hirota and John gasped in surprise. "What do you mean, not Takigawa-san?" John asked, bewildered, wide-eyed and adorable. "But it looks just like him!"

"And he has ' _Takigawa_ ' embroidered into his shorts," Masayoshi added.

"I can say nothing regarding the embroidery," Naru stated firmly. "But this is not Takigawa Houshou. There is no way this could be our Bou-san. It is impossible for them to be the same person. It is merely a case of mistaken identity." He turned on his heel. "Let's go. This was a waste of time. If we hurry we can catch the return train before it leaves—"

At that moment, the handsome, brooding assistant rushed through the door, followed by a young policeman. The tall man's cheeks were flushed a delicate and rosy pink, though he was not out of breath in the slightest from running up five flights of stairs—nay, his heartbeat was just above a resting tempo, so in-shape and well-toned was his body.

"Naru," he said in a voice of molten silk and glowing cobwebs. "We've just gotten word from a detective downstairs, and this sergeant was kind enough to bring me upstairs—" His voice trailed off and he turned to the other man, who was panting breathlessly.

"Detective— _huff—_ Hirota—" he began.

The Hirota brothers turned to look. "What is it?" They both said, glaring at each other as they spoke.

"A— _wheeze—_ Taki— _huff_ —gawa— _gulp—_ Has— _inhale—_ sei— _huff—_ was— _wheeze—_ reported— _inhale_ —missing," the detective managed.

"What?" Hirota and Masayoshi asked again in unison.

"What indeed," Naru agreed.

"Thank you, Nacchan."

"By all means, Sei-kun."

John stared at the two with an adorably bewildered look on his face. Masayoshi scoffed but said nothing. The tall assistant might have rolled his eyes skyward if anyone had been kind enough to look. "A Takigawa Hassei was reported missing in Shikoku yesterday morning," he stated effortlessly. His voice might have been a cascading waterfall of liquid gems and precious stones.

"Shikoku?" Naru repeated, interest piqued. "What, the entire island? Or is there a more specific location?"

The detective had recovered enough to speak without gasping. "We received photo identification by fax and we're certain this is him."

Everyone turned to look incredulously at the man, who was still regarding them all blankly.

" _Takigawa Hassei?!_ "

...

The group left the Takigawa-lookalike in the waiting room and went downstairs to Masayoshi's office, where the detective had a hot water kettle so Hirota could make tea. Naru took the tea but sat moodily, brooding over the cup.

"If that's not Takigawa," John ventured, breaking the silence, "then where is he? He's still missing."

"It is clearly _a_ Takigawa," Masayshi disagreed. "However it is not the Takigawa you were looking for."

"Hmm." Everyone let this sink in and nodded slowly in agreement. "Quite right. It wasn't the Takigawa we were looking for."

"Takigawa is probably just away on a concert tour or some similar venture," Naru finally said. "Most likely he just didn't tell anyone where he was going—"

"But what about the other Takigawa?" Hirota asked. "He doesn't remember what he's doing in Hakodate either. What do we do about him?"

"Isn't he your responsibility?" Naru asked Masayoshi. "What would you do in a normal situation like this?"

Masayoshi looked surprised. "But we already signed the paperwork to transfer him into your custody."

"What?!" Naru and Hirota exclaimed at the same time.

Masayoshi shrugged. "He's your problem now."

Hirota and Naru had duplicate expressions of surprise. John was smiling gently and trying to offer congenial moral support. Meanwhile, mysterious assistant was looking up something on his laptop, being useful and completely unappreciated.

At that moment Naru's phone rang. Frowning, he pulled it from his pocket. "Mai? What do you want? I'm a little busy right now—"

" _Naru!_ " Everyone could hear her tinny voice exclaim through the phone's tiny speaker. " _You went and took everyone to Hakodate for vacation and didn't tell me, did you? How could you be so cruel?_ "

"You had already requested time off," Naru said icily. "We could not delay our visit to include you. And I certainly did not bring _everyone—_ "

" _Well good news! Turns out I was already here_ ," Mai's voice continued happily. " _I'm outside the police station right now."_

Everyone crowded around the tiny window and Masayoshi pulled up the blinds. Three figures stood on the sidewalk below, two adults and a young child. Mai waved.

"Who's that with her?"

"Not her boyfriend?"

"Is that his kid maybe? He's holding his hand."

" _I can hear that! No, he's not my boyfriend_ ," Mai said, and threw her arm around the man next to her. " _He's my long-lost brother!_ "

Naru stared down at her with a blank look on his face. "You're kidding. Your brother?"

" _We're twins_!" Mai's voice chirped through the phone. " _Now everyone come down I want you to meet him properly!_ "

"I thought you didn't have any family?"

" _Oh, there was a mix-up at the hospital a long time ago. I know it doesn't make any sense_ ," she explained. " _But you'll just have to trust me on this one! Now come down here I have some big news to share too!_ "

"Big news—" Naru started to ask, but she had hung up the phone.

The group went outside to meet Mai while Masayoshi went to find the Takigawa they hadn't been looking for, who had been abandoned again in a closet somewhere.

"Everyone, this is my brother!" Mai introduced the young man next to her, who looked absolutely nothing like Mai whatsoever. "But more importantly, I thought today would be a good day to introduce my son!"

" _Mai_ —" Naru warned.

"You have a son?!" Hirota exclaimed. "Aren't you only sixteen?!"

"Mai, that's great! Congratulations," John said amiably. (John was always so amiable.) He bent down toward the toddler who stood, half-hidden behind Mai's leg. "Is this him? What's your name? How old are you?"

Everyone stared at the boy, who seemed really, really, _really_ familiar _._ He held up four fingers to indicate his age and then hid his face in her skirts. Hiding dark blue eyes and inky black hair. The only thing he was missing was the permanent glower.

"Mai, just _how long_ have you known Naru?"

-:-:-:-:-

 _Omake_ :

Naru reached behind him and took out a thick volume. "Sometimes, when my brother couldn't sleep, I would read to him," he mused, and cleared his throat. " _The Systems of Unexplained Phenomena_ , by Oliver E.C. Davis, OM, CBE, FRS, SAL, AAGG. Supernatural phenomena—"

"Hang on," Hirota interrupted him. "Are those all your titles? What the heck are all those letters?"

Naru looked surprised. "Of course they're my titles," he said indignantly. "I am a very special person to the British Empire and have been granted many honors."

"Well, what do they stand for? Or do you not know?"

"Of course I know." Naru said testily. "They signify that I am a member of the Order of Merit, designated into the Most Excellent Order of the British Empire, a distinguished Fellow of the Royal Society, elected into the Society of Antiquaries of London, and an All Around Good Guy. What did you think?"


End file.
